In That Shadow
by Immortal x Snow
Summary: As the younger sister, Jessica can't control her feelings of inferiority to Lion when she finally begins high school in 1984. One day, she decides to resolve the problem completely. Implied Jessica x Kanon.


**(Yes, I need to stop writing about EP7.)**

**Jessica mentions the issue in this fic in EP7, saying she's always felt inferior to her more successful older sibling. I wanted to play around with this idea.**

**This is my Christmas present to my older brother. I'm just adding this note in case he happens to stumble across this (God willing, he _won't_).**

**Finally, yes, I'm writing male!Lion again. I'll eventually write something with female!Lion, even if I do happen to prefer the former... XD  
**

* * *

Raindrops smacked loudly against the windows of the mansion as I wandered around, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. I was exhausted, having barely slept at all last night. Only a few things could keep me awake, and the thoughts running through my head last night and this morning were among them. And the rain. The rain could keep me awake, too.

But what was bothering me so much and keeping me awake the most was Lion. At times like these, having an older brother—_especially _one who was such an overachiever—was particularly frustrating. Lion was everything I probably could have been, if I were an only child. He was older; smarter; and better in everything, including looks (at least, everyone at school said so). He probably got better grades, and he certainly got more attention. Of course, he was in his second year of high school, while I had only recently entered my first, but I couldn't help but be a little jealous of his success. Student council vice president? My brother. Top of all his classes? My brother. Favorite student of all the teachers, even those he hadn't had yet? Me—of course not. Lion was all of these things; I was none of them.

I never thought much about mentioning these problems to Mother. She'd probably say something about how Lion would become the family successor in nearly three years, so it was a good thing he had all of these honors. I wasn't supposed to be much, except his little sister, the one who stood behind him and supported him in everything. But didn't I have something important to do, too? No. I didn't. Not when Lion had everything, leaving nothing for me. I wasn't going to have much to do when Lion became the family head.

…Okay, so I was jealous. More than just a little jealous. But I'd always felt a bit inferior toward Lion. It happened all the time with siblings. The difference between us was just a bit greater than normal. It was older versus younger, boy versus girl, but it was also successor versus supporter. My parents didn't have any problems with Lion becoming the successor, probably because he wasn't taking away their attention. No one noticed me when we were together. At school, so far, I was just "Lion's little sister" or "that girl who looks like Lion." I wasn't "Ushiromiya Jessica" or even "Jessica." My name always had to have his tacked onto it, as if I couldn't be known without being associated to him. Even the students in my class, some of whom hadn't known Lion before they came to our high school, knew me by his name. It had always happened in middle school, but I wasn't nearly as upset with it then as I was now.

It was hard not having problems with this, especially when I seemed to be the only one affected by it. When they were younger, Battler and Lion got along really well. They hadn't seen each other for years, but Lion always asked Rudolf to say hello to Battler. Their friendship might have been because they were the same age, but George was older than Lion. That didn't bother either of them. George wasn't upset that Lion would become the heir, even though my brother was younger (although Aunt Eva had a very perceptible grudge against Father for that, even though she too liked Lion). Maria was probably too young to be bothered by any of this. After all, she was only seven.

Most likely, I was the only one who had this problem because I was Lion's little sister. No one else could really be pushed aside the way I was. My parents could be credited because they created this child, but I was just a girl who had nothing to do with that. I had to go through everything Lion did _after_ him, not before him, not at the same time as him. Maybe he could be judged on his own, but I would always be compared to him.

And it was that fact that bothered me the most. I could never be my own person with my own experiences, with my own talents. Lion could do everything: everything I was good at was something he'd mastered. Everything I liked was something he'd formed—or at least pioneered in—at school. There wasn't anything left for me to do.

And finally, I was ready to do something about it. I couldn't tell my parents—they wouldn't understand. I'd talked to Shannon already, but she couldn't do much other than comfort me. I'd mentioned it to Kanon, too, but he said since he was only furniture, he couldn't understand how I felt (but he was sorry). Even the one I had such great feelings for didn't understand. Maybe he wanted to, but he couldn't. And George, Battler, and Maria were all somewhere else. I'd also tried to talk to Kumasawa, who coaxed the story out of me and then comforted me, but she didn't confront the problem itself. And that was what I wanted. I didn't want to feel better about it: I wanted something to change.

And so the only person left to talk to was Lion himself.

I hadn't seen him yet this morning, but I already had a plan that I made last night while I lay awake. All I had to do was talk to him. The part I hadn't worked out was his reaction. I couldn't really judge that. But I wasn't going to let him not say anything. I was going to work this out before either of us got any further into high school. I was finished with having to deal with this!

I clomped down the hall leading from my bedroom to his. I knew he was probably already up and doing something _very_ important, but I thought his room was probably the best place to look for him first. Opening the door, I peered into the large room, but he wasn't there. I huffed with impatience and continued down the hall, trying to avoid Mother so she didn't have me do something for her. No matter what it was, it was always something lady-like. I had no interest in being a lady, and whenever she scolded me for acting too boyish, I wondered how she would treat me if I were an only child. I wondered about that sometimes. George always thought I would have been much more lady-like, quiet, and mild—just like Lion. But that made me angry because I knew he was comparing me to my brother again. Without Lion, I wouldn't be compared to anyone. I would be the successor—or, rather, my husband would be. I didn't care much about inheriting anything (family politics meant nothing to me), but I just didn't want to have my actions judged according to his. I didn't want to be compared to anyone.

As I turned around the corner, I saw Shannon walking through the hallway, smoothing her skirt neatly against her legs. When she saw me, she smiled and bowed.

"Good morning, milady," she greeted.

"Oh, hi, Shannon!" I replied. "Have you seen Lion anywhere? I looked for him in his room, but he wasn't there."

She paused, tapping a long, pretty finger against her cheek as she thought.

"I think I saw him leaving the mansion just a moment or two ago."

"Did he say what he was going to do?"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but he didn't say anything. It's Sunday, so you don't have school, right?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do over there," I grumbled, folding my arms in annoyance. "Anyway, thanks, Shannon. I'll go look for him."

"You're welcome, Milady."

I waved to her as I left the hallway and headed out of the house, not taking an umbrella (I didn't want to bother with one). If he had to go somewhere off the island, Lion probably would have told Mother or Father, but I didn't want to ask either of them about it if I didn't have to. Father probably wasn't even around; Mother would want me to do something more important (she thought) than anything else I could do right now. I just had to trust that Lion hadn't left Rokkenjima.

I walked through the garden, searching for my brother, but I couldn't find him. When we were little, we liked to play hide-and-seek in here… but that was before he became so grown-up and left me, his annoying, immature little sister, alone. And now, to him, I was still an annoyance, someone who was still trying to catch up to him. He wouldn't want to play games with me anymore, because I wasn't good enough for him.

I wouldn't let him think like that. I was younger, but only by a year. That gave him no good excuse to act as if we were ten years apart. Our age difference meant nothing. At least, it shouldn't have meant anything.

Continuing down the path that lead to the shore, I looked around for Lion in the small part of the forest I knew, but he wasn't there, either. Where had he gone? I didn't want to search for him for much longer, but I also didn't want to wait any longer to talk to him. I had resolved to have this conversation and fix the problem before school tomorrow; that didn't give me much time to find him. Of course, it was still early morning, but I thought he had something to do with Grandfather this afternoon. He'd be busy with homework into the evening, and he was always in bed before I was. If I didn't find him soon, I'd have to endure one more day of being compared, of hearing, "Oh, Ushiromiya! You must be Lion's little sister!"

And I never wanted to hear that again.

When I felt my feet sink slightly into the ground, I knew I'd reached the sand of the shore. The slight morning breeze blew my bangs into my face, and I reached up to brush them out of my eyes. Blinking, I breathed in the cool air and felt the raindrops smack my face. All around the beach, there was a scent of soap and salty ocean water. My heart beat more softly now, my pulse having sped up from walking so quickly down the path. I'd probably have to take my asthma medicine when I returned home. With a cough, I opened my eyes and resumed my search.

A moment later, I heard a voice over the sound of the ocean waves.

"Jessica, what in the world are you doing out here without an umbrella?"

Whipping my head around, I looked for Lion, but I took a moment to find him walking toward me from the dock. When he reached me, he held his umbrella over my head, but I pushed it away. In response, he sighed.

"You're going to get sick again if you keep doing that," he remarked. "And it's not lady-like. Doesn't Mother get after you all the time for that?"

"I don't want to hear about Mother or anything like that!" I hollered. "I came out here to find you, if you really want to know."

He frowned.

"Why did you need to find me? I told Mother where I was going. Didn't she tell you where I was? Or," he said, an omniscient expression on his face, "did you not want her to know why you wanted to find me?"

"Yes," I replied grudgingly. "It's not something I want her to know about."

"Not something you wanted her to know about? Let's head back to the mansion, and you can tell me on the way."

"I don't want to go back, Lion," I replied, becoming angry. "Stop acting like that. I'm not as little as you think I am!"

"But you're my little sister. I'm supposed to look out for you."

"But that's just it!" I finally looked up at him, into his face, into his big eyes—everything perfect, everything flawless. "Don't do that. That's the problem!"

"What problem? Jessica, what are you talking about? And stop yelling!"

"Why? Why should I stop yelling? What's wrong with everyone hearing about this? Everyone should know how much I hate this! Do they think there's nothing wrong with it? Do they think I don't mind it? They're wrong."

"What's 'it'? I can't understand what you're talking about."

Frustrated with my lack of explanation, Lion sighed again after speaking and pushed one of the long, thick strands of hair near his bangs out of his face. He looked as if he were about to lose patience with me. With everyone else, he was incredibly mild-mannered, but I was one of the few people who could really frustrate him. He tried not to show it around anyone else, though.

"Let's start this again," he finally said. "What are you talking about? I can't understand if you don't tell me what you're trying to say."

Those words were infuriating. I knew he knew. Lion knew all kinds of things about me that I didn't want him to know. Many people remarked how quickly he understood things because of his quick instincts, but that part of him made me livid now.

"School. I know you notice it. Everyone says I'm your sister. Everyone says I'm not as good as you are at this or that. Everyone compares me to you. It's impossible not to notice."

"Well, you _are_ my sister. What's wrong with everyone noticing that we're related? Everyone should know that, since we usually leave and arrive together."

"You're missing the point! Didn't you hear what I said about how everyone compares us? I can't stand that. I'm not you—I'm just related to you. It's always been like this! Mother treats us differently, doesn't she? Doesn't everyone?"

"Jessica, I'm the successor. It's natural that Mother would treat me differently. I think what you don't understand is that it's not a good sort of different treatment. As for everyone else, I've had a year longer than you've had to make an impression. It makes sense that we'd be compared."

"What do you mean it's not a good sort of different treatment? Sure, I don't care anything about all that money and power you'll be inheriting—I never have. That's not what matters to me at all!"

"Jessica," Lion said, his tone suddenly deeper and… sadder? "You don't understand. You should be happy you're the younger sister. I'm not saying I have a problem with becoming the head. I'm happy to accept that honor. It's also a great responsibility. Do you understand that everyone will look to me for advice? For everything they might need? I have to be able to do everything I'll need to. You don't have that problem. You can do things you want to do."

"You're perfect for that sort of thing, though! Everyone says I'm not. No one notices me. No one cares about me. When the rest of the family comes here, only the cousins do anything with me, but even they make sure they know how you are first."

"Our parents care about you."

"But they care more about you!"

"_I_ care about you."

I paused. The natural comeback—you care more about yourself than me!—was on the edge of my tongue, just waiting to be said, but… I couldn't say it. Something was preventing me from shouting that at my brother, but I didn't know what it was.

He continued, however, leaving me with no time to reply, even if I had wanted to. The October wind blew rain into my face, soaking me even more as I shivered. Everything around me was cold, but I concentrated too hard on our conversation to notice it much.

"Do you really think no one cares about you at all, Jessica? Our parents love you. Our entire family loves you. Your teachers at school who taught me last year tell me what a good student you are. They don't compare you to me; instead, they tell me how intelligent and unique you are. To them, there's nothing similar about us. They don't want to compare us."

"Then why do they tell my classes what great essays you wrote and what amazing things you did?"

"They probably want to give examples for everyone else. Honestly, they don't mean anything bad by doing that. I just happen to be one of the students who wrote good essays and did well in their classes, but I'm not the only one. Think about this for a moment. You've been in high school for only a few months now. I've been there for almost a year and a half."

"But you were the top student from day one."

"I just got lucky. I befriended the right people. Being popular isn't the greatest thing, Jessica. I'd probably be happier if I weren't. You don't have the entire school, even your seniors, looking up to you and following your example. I always have to do the best I can so I don't give them a bad example. But you're free to do whatever you want. Maybe Mother is a bit stricter than you would like, but she's not as harsh as she could be. You have more freedom than I do. Perhaps we're actually jealous of each other."

Again, I found I couldn't say anything: Lion's words had surprised me too much. How could he, the future successor with hundreds of other titles, be jealous of me, the insignificant little sister with nothing but the Ushiromiya name?

"Another thing," he continued. "You're freer to love whomever you want. I'm not. That doesn't mean Mother and Father will approve of everyone you love, but they won't be as strict with you as they will be with me. I think they might arrange a marriage for me. If they do, I'll comply, but you don't have to worry about that."

I thought of Kanon—a servant, who claims he's only furniture and, therefore, not human. Ever since he came to the Ushiromiya mansion, I've loved him, but Mother has often tried to keep us apart. Since I tried to hide my feelings for him, she didn't know exactly what our relationship was, but I thought she figured out that I'd tried to befriend him. I knew I was probably too young to think of marrying anyone, but… if Mother and Father arranged a marriage for me, I knew it wouldn't be with Kanon. Was there someone Lion loved that Mother and Father disapproved of?

I decided to ask this question.

"You aren't thinking of anyone in particular, are you?"

He laughed quietly with a smile.

"No, I'm not. It's more of a hypothetical situation. There's no one I really care for in that manner. On the other hand, you do have someone, don't you?"

I frowned at him. Perhaps he had just made me think a lot about our situation, but he was still my brother—he shouldn't know about things like that.

"How did you know about Kanon?"

"You're not as good at hiding your feelings as you think you are. It's obvious. Not that I mind. I'm happy for you if you really feel like that about him. That's another reason you should be happy as you are, Jessica."

Slowly, I nodded. I wasn't entirely convinced, but he made sense, and that was the most important thing then. If nothing else, I felt better about everything—being compared to him, being his little sister, being pushed aside sometimes in his favor.

"That… that makes sense," I replied. Then, with a hint of a surrendering sigh in my voice, I continued. "I suppose you're right."

"I'm your older brother," Lion said, edging the umbrella over my head again. This time, I didn't push it away. "I'm supposed to be right."

Then, with a roguish smile, he reached over to pinch my ass. I yelped.

"Lion! Stop that! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Come on. Let's go home. I told Mother I was only going out for a moment, and I'm sure she's looking for you about now. After all, you probably didn't tell her where you were going."

Still rubbing my ass where he pinched it, I frowned at him, but it wasn't long before I was smiling again.

"Okay, Lion."

We walked together toward the mansion, water dripping from the umbrella as we walked together—him as Ushiromiya Lion, the future family head, and me as Ushiromiya Jessica, the important little sister who could run around freely as she pleased (to a degree) and enjoy what her brother couldn't.

* * *

In the small room of the chapel, I watched my brother as he stood beside that tall man who walked in during the funeral ceremony earlier. No one that I saw recognized him, so I assumed my brother didn't, either. But the way they stood together firmly, questioned and answered each other with such synchronicity, made me wonder how they hadn't met before. They didn't touch each other, but they didn't need to. I could tell there was a deep friendship between them that hadn't quite begun to develop, but something inside me knew it would eventually. That was probably what confused me more than anything did. Something was unusual about those two, but something else told me not to ask about it.

Instead of asking them, then, I decided just to watch them together. But when Lion turned to face me and gave me a smile (a kind one, rather than the troublesome one he had given me only a moment before when he was chasing me around the room), I couldn't help but think to myself about how I knew that conversation we'd had all those years ago had finally begun to make sense. This was his path, his way. While I didn't exactly know what he was doing, I silently understood that this was what he had to do. That though we didn't know this man, he was his destiny.

And I knew that somehow, there was something just as great waiting for me.


End file.
